I Loves Me Some Older Hairy Men
Do you know the psychological concept of the “imprint”? It’s the theory that, at some moment in life, while our sexuality is still developing, we see someone and suddenly—BAM!—that’s what we’re attracted to. You have been imprinted. Most people imprint on a conventional look, thanks to the massive influence of the media. But you can imprint with anyone. Mine happened at the Community Swim Club at age 11.
by John Topping
Do you know the psychological concept of the “imprint”? It’s the theory that, at some moment in life, while our sexuality is still developing, we see someone and suddenly—BAM!—that’s what we’re attracted to. You have been imprinted. Most people imprint on a conventional look, thanks to the massive influence of the media. But you can imprint with anyone. Mine happened at the Community Swim Club at age 11.
My burgeoning interest in men’s bodies had so far manifested with an increasing interest in the Archie Comics, when I started noticing Archie and Reggie’s muscle definition in the endless beach stories that the comics artists drew. But I was about to make a sharp turn.
I was doing my favorite pool activity, bobbing in place at the edge of the pool, by myself, in the medium deep section. When I looked up, I saw him—an older, 50-ish man having a conversation with someone. I had the perfect view of his whole body in profile. Tan from the summer, his gray and black body hair glistening and perfectly backlit. I’d already taken an interest in chest hair, but this was the first time I saw someone with as much hair coming out of his back as his front, sticking out more than an inch. I was entranced by the vision. Spellbound. I couldn’t look away. BAM! Imprint. I now knew exactly what I wanted, and it’s that guy. I knew I couldn’t have him, but he’d set the standard for what’s possible. I gazed for the entire, thankfully long conversation until he went away. Then I never saw the man again. He wasn’t the sole reason I like older men, but he definitely sealed the deal, showing me what I would desire the rest of my life.
Once I grew up, left home, and came out, this would turn out to make a difficult task of the time-honored ritual of two men of the same sexual orientation commenting on a third person as a sexual object. I had to come out twice. First as a gay man, then as a gay man attracted to older men. And a third time if I dared add that I like them not only older, but with as much body hair as possible. It got me weird stares when I pointed out the men I liked. “Are you serious?” “Oh, man, you are bizarre.” “I’m not so sure about your taste in men.” I may as well have been back in high school, pretending to share enthusiasm about girls with my straight friends. So I stopped participating in the ritual with the general gay population. It was no fun.
The coming internet explosion is how we all learned of the countless others who felt the same way. What was once bizarre is now seen, at least in the gay world, as normal. Common.Accepted. Now it’s easy to find others who also likes older, hairy men (which we now call Bears). We can look at the exact same Bear together and objectify him and get very detailed and nasty about what we would like to do in bed with him—it’s just a thing guys like to do together. So when I finally felt normal, with a deepened sense of being part of the gay community, it was because I was, ironically, able to participate in the most superficial aspect of it.
©2022 John Topping
